Overall, the US Constitution is a fairly decent legal document, providing legal protections to the citizens from the excesses of government. The predominant flaw in the document, stems not so much from the ideology of it's authors, but from the time in which it was written. I have determined through careful and thorough analysis and practical experience, that an essential human right was overlooked, what is missing from the Constitution is the following phrase:
A well-illuminated Kitchen being necessary to the preservation of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear incandescent lights, shall not be infringed.
That's right baby, kiss those light bulbs goodbye. Tucked away in the 822 page Energy Independence and Security Act of 2007 is wording that essentially legislates the light bulb out of practical existence. Requiring 25% greater efficiency of light bulbs, phased in between 2012 and 2014, the humble light bulb is doomed. This is the equivalent of banning automobiles by legislating the requirement for a corporate average fuel economy of 120 mpg by 2014.
You might wonder why, I am blogging about this some two-years after the fact. Well, I finally broke down and decided to try the future of home lighting out. Recently the light over my kitchen sink burned out, while shopping for the replacement and tired of climbing first onto a chair and then onto the counter, I decided to check out the stores quite prominent display of compact florescent lamps (CFL). Having normally kept the over-the-sink fixture outfitted with a 60-watt incandescent, I purchased a reflector CFL. According to Energy-Star, my previous 60-watt bulb produced a minimum of 800 lumens, my new energy-star compliant equivalent of a 100-watt incandescent bulb produces a minimum of 1,600 lumens for only 23-30 watts. Given the scientific analysis WHY THE HELL CAN'T I SEE IN MY KITCHEN?
The light produced by this modern scientific monstrosity is completely and utterly inadequate. It is not only too dim...it's....it's....it's..... BLUE. The light produced is insufficient to wash dishes by (I know...that's what the dishwasher if for... but I haven't seen her since the last I.C.E raid... okay, I'm kidding about the dishwasher!) and while not that great for working under, will probably be quite effective at lowering my cholesterol... as any cut of meat placed under it looks as if it is, how shall we put this? Rotting? I am beginning to wonder if perhaps there is something wrong with my eyes... as while this thing may emit 1600 lumens of illumination, I am considering the possibility that it is in some spectral frequency that, alas, I am unable to see. Hmmm, I wonder what the cats think.
If you think that's the end of my story (tirade), you're wrong. In addition to my woes regarding CFL bulbs, I at the same time in the hardware store, decided that I needed to do something about my wardrobe closet. You see, my bedroom closet didn't have a light in it, and I have been forced for quite some time to pull my apparel out of the closet to decide what's what. Always leaning forward on the forefront of technology, as I browsed through the variety of fixtures available I came across the technology which undoubtedly will replace CFLs. I purchased for my closet that latest darling of technology, an LED fixture.
I thought, as I gleefully took the thing home, that I had outsmarted everyone... the electric company, the light-bulb cartel, and would never, ever, reasonably expect to have to replace a thing since it advertised a 30,000 hour life expectancy. Installation was easy, no more difficult than installing a conventional fixture, and in a matter of minutes, I had a light in my wardrobe closet. I flicked the switch and experienced first hand the eureka moment undoubtedly experienced by Thomas Alva Edison many years before. My closet was bathed in the most intense and brilliant light I had ever seen, excepting possibly while arc-welding. As a man, I loved it... I had my own miniature thermonuclear fireball hanging quite comfortably from my closet ceiling.
It wasn't until the following morning that the euphoria wore off. Having had my morning cup of coffee and shower, I opened my closet door and hit the switch. Momentarily blinded by the intense flash, I paused waiting for my eyes to adjust. I squinted and blinked. A gut-wrenching horror oozed out of the closet and seeped into my very soul. I couldn't tell, to any practical extent, the difference between my suits! My legs trembled... I could no longer tell olive from brown. I could not discern the subtle variation in color and pattern from one charcoal suit to the other. I was feeling light headed... I stared into the closet at my three black suits.... wait a minute! I don't own three black suits. For a moment, I think I've gone color blind... pulling a suit out of the closet I discover, no, that's not it.
There in my closet hung my entire wardrobe... I could see every single suit quite distinctly, perfectly illuminated, bathed in a brilliant light, only thanks to the wonders of modern technology, I could no longer tell them apart. I have, in desperation, started digging the holes on my property in which I shall stockpile my future supply of light bulbs, the only problem is I keep digging up my ammunition along with occasional stashes of toilet paper from the 1973 crisis.
I am beginning to dread the future! Anyone know where I can get a decent tallow candle?
Cheers!
~Finntann~
23 comments:
That was hilarious. You are absolutely right about the absurdity of banning a light bulb. From what I understand, the new bulbs contain mercury. So much for being environmentally friendly.
I, for one, am sick of hearing about my carbon footprint. I really have a hard time fighting the urge to burn something, anything, just so I can produce some CO2.
When will the 'green' madness end?
I have a low flush water using toilet in my main house bathrom. This is all they have when I need to replaced the orginal one I cracked the tank on. The money I saved has now been taken up the the pumblers helpers that I had to purchase to unplug the plugging toilet.
The lights do save you money but only use them where there is mulitple lights or lights that get left on for long periods of time. Like outside garage door lights. Redneck Ron
I went green and started buying those damned things because I love the environment and I thought it a sensible, money saving thing to do.
Well, they don't last as long as they claim and you can't use them with timers. Also, like MachinePolitick said, they contain mercury, so you can't throw the damned things away when they burn out two years earlier than advertised.
Now, I have a pile of them in my garage because I can't throw them away because I don't want to pollute the environment.
Damned environmental nazis!
Anyway, great article, Finntann. Witty and trenchant as usual.
As a guy who builds houses I will admit that you're completely right as matter of fact that the new types of bulbs are not as luminous; but there is a crucial part of this you fail to understand.
The gov't cannot/shouldn't be going into your house old house demanding that you change your old bulbs? Why? Your house is old. In all the houses I build there are more light fixtures in every room than there had been ever before.
So I mean, this is a problem you created for yourself out of ignorance. If you havd asked me I would have told you the new bulbs aren't as bright.
I hope you were able to get your money back. They should have warned you they wouldn't be as bright at the hardware store.
You may ask whether installing more fixtures is really more environmentally friendly. Not in the short term. In the long term, yes.
I'm only writing this because I forgot to check the 'email follow-ups' thing... I guess I could say something...
I'm not going to hold this against you. You made an honest mistake. I would've made it a little while back as well. Most people don't know much about the politics of home-building.
So what? I replace my 60 watt bulb with three 22 watt CFL bulbs?
By my math that is 66 watts for an overall net loss.
And the government is too slick to actually ban lightbulbs, they simply impose efficiency limits that are impossible to meet with incandescent light bulbs, at least at the current level of technology within a marketable cost structure.
And... lol ... why are you always thinking I fail to understand things? I've got 26 years of experience in electronics and am a scientific, engineering, and technical assistance consultant on multi-million dollar procurement and sustainment contracts, and ROFLMAO... told my wife she wouldn't like the damn thing in the first place. But hey! I've been overruled by upper level management before! You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink!
Cheers!
How is replacing a 60 watt with 3 22's (66) a net loss?
Also, they don't and cannot impose efficientcy guidlines on old bulbs. If you build another house you'll have to buy the new bulbs.
I mean, there are new regulations on insulation, windows, etc... They don't have everyone renovate their homes with every change. They simply require pepple who build new houses to meet up with the new regulations.
I actually don't like all the regulations because they make passing imspection harder (time) and they are just more expensive (money) for me to keep up with. Some of them are actually very stupid. This one isn't actually a big deal. We've had it in BC for a while now.
They don't even affect you unless you build a new houses. Even then they only affect you once. I'm affected in every new project I start. Why aren't I more upset?
Also, the housing market is in BC has gone into recession (still not as bad as anywhere in the States).
Just think of the green movement in terms of the civil rights movement. Only one has white guilt and the other has existence guilt. Most of all, take notice how both movements assume a graduated level of guilt in proportion to an individuals level of success and prosperity in life.
Heres what i see when examining the greenies.
1. The larger their footprint (home, cars, travel), the more likely they are to employ drop in the bucket symbolic gestures like recycling, light bulbs and canvas shopping bags.
2. They have a tendency to ridicule those not interested in the whole planet saving meme, even ironically if the person being ridiculed already has a much smaller footprint than themselves.
3. They seem to think some sort of points are in order just from the mere voicing of concern for the planet.
4. They came from middleclass to upper middleclass or wealthy families resulting in frugality being viewed as much more of a sacrificial task than it actually is.
I see the whole green movement as more of a case study in coping mechanisms humans will employ when made to feel guilty for their very existence.
SteveH
SteveH: You left out carbon credits. Send your money to Reverend Al Gore (owner of a carbon offset company) and all your enviro-sins are forgiven!
Thanks for the bloggy link love! You have been added too!
good stuff.
my low-flow toilets constantly clog.
my low-flow shower head sucked. i bought an all-metal low-flow head and took a drill to it to open it up a bit. hello silkwood!
my septic system had nice gov't-mandated baffles installed, which naturally caused the whole f'in system to back up within a year.
one of these days people will realize that gov't bureaucrats don't know what they're doing.
Steve, I've already explained why there is no guilt/innocence/blame/punishment involved in climate policy (ideally). I can't control it if the media tries to sell it with those tactics, but I have no guilt for anything I am or do.
I justify any perceived 'bad' and 'shameful' action, thought or idea with growth of something better as a result.
I wish if you guys aren't going to read Nietzsche you'd at least read Emerson, Dewey, Whitman or any of the other fine American thinkers.
Maybe read: An Elective Affinity:
Emerson And Nietzsche.
I was born in Austria. I would not even want Austrians to be ashamed of Hitler. I want them to make something so magnificent of the future that Hitler will look like but a bust before a great boom.
To have regret, shame, guilt... These are characteristics of sick people.
"To have regret, shame, guilt... These are characteristics of sick people."
These are characteristics of human beings and are a product of knowledge of right and wrong.
If I accidentally kill or injure someone with my truck, I will feel guilt. If my carelessly playing with the radio caused the tragedy, I will feel shame for being so stupid and regret for having done it. Don't see how that makes me sick...
I know, Fred said. Well, he probably never ran anybody over with his SUV.
It's not about Fred said. Dewey would agree with Fred on this one as well. I just happen to agree with both of them
These are human emotions (human, all too human) but they are not positive. They will not make the guy you ran over walk again, and they will not make you feel any better.
If people would try and stop indulging in such petty emotions maybe they'd do something positive to make it so that their great actions in dealing with such tragedy would render even the most tragic event meaningful. You are a composite of all your actions. People who truly know that do not feel regret about pain, anguish, suffering, etc... they say "huh, how can I grow from this".
"In lifes game of war, what does not kill me can only make me stronger."
Life has tragedy in it. There is no getting around that. Is crying going to make any tragedy better?
Sorry I accidently left the same comment twice.
CP... if we are talking efficiency and I previously illuminated my Kitchen with one sixty watt bulb, and I now require three twenty-two watt bulbs, I am burning 6 more watts for the same effect, thus it is a net loss of 6 watts.
And I don't know what Canadian law is, but come 2014 you will not be able to buy incandescent light bulbs in the United States, except for 20W and lower bulbs, three-way bulbs, or specialty appliance bulbs and that is a result of the efficiency standards imposed by the cited act. Who knows though? Perhaps some brilliant lightbulb manufacturer will start selling 40, 60, 75, and 100 Watt appliance bulbs. They do after all have the same screw-type base. Hmmmm... sounds like a profitable business...lol
Regretably, unlike building codes which only apply to new construction, this applies to the manufacture and sale of lightbulbs, so it doesn't matter how old your house is. This is not a building code, which in the US are set locally, not nationally (although most use 'national' standards, such as the National electrical code. but the national standards are more often minimum standards. California has had more stringent standards than the national ones for years, requiring much greater efficiency in construction. The Brits are having the same problem (there are a bunch of BBC articles), especially with elderly in older homes, where there are not enough fixtures to accomodate enough CFL bulbs to properly illuminate their homes.
Oh, right, I was thinking loss of brightness. 6 watt loss of efficiency.
Yah, if they're going into old homes that's ridiculous. I think this might have something ot do with helping to fund the industry that is trying to come up with more efficient bulbs. But even then, they should have at least slightly more efficient bulbs to start with so that it is believable that they'll do any better with our funding them. You're right.
I'm looking at an add for those CFL bulbs right now. LOL
CP
Aw, I'm a fan--the bulbs last longer and I don't have to change them so often-- holding onto the new/old bulbs as I dance illegally on the top ladder step (the one with the official warning sign saying "Stop-don't stand on this step). I've never actually burned one out-- but I change them because, they just get dimmer and dimmer until I finally realize everything in my kitchen looks pink.
PS Soy candles 'burn cleaner' (But then soy beans have to DIE) ROFL
Rie
This is a huge profit opportunity.
Design clothes that are intended to change appearance depending on the lighting they are in.
Why hasn't Polywell Fusion been funded by the Obama administration?
M. Simon:
It's proponents obviously have not greased the appropriate political palms.
Microsoft learned that lesson during the Clinton years (and ironically started giving to liberal causes).
Everyone: Go read this article by M. Simon:
http://powerandcontrol.blogspot.com/2006/11/easy-low-cost-no-radiation-fusion.html
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