CEOs Rushing into U.S. Treasury Building Trample Policeman to Death

-- Satire --

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Federal police were busy this morning reviewing video from surveillance cameras in an attempt to identify who trampled to death a security guard after a crowd of CEOs burst through the doors of the U.S. Treasury looking for a corporate handout.

Criminal charges were possible, but identifying individuals in Friday's video may prove difficult, said Detective Lt. Jim Rockford, a D.C. police spokesman.

Other bureaucrats were trampled as they tried to rescue the man, and CEOs stepped over him and became irate when officials said the Treasury was closing because of the death, police and witnesses said.

Police said about 2,000 CEOs and CFOs were gathered outside the Treasury building before its 8 a.m. opening. The impatient crowd knocked the employee to the ground as he opened the doors, leaving a metal portion of the frame crumpled like an accordion...

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This corporate bailout has hit 8.5 Trillion Dollars.

A million of something is difficult for us to visualize; a trillion almost impossible. Let me put this into perspective:

- One trillion dollars, laid end to end, would be 94 million miles long. This is well past the orbit of Mars and almost to the asteroid belt. Light would take over eight minutes to travel this distance!

- 8.5 trillion dollars, stacked in currency bundles, would be enough to re-create three Great Pyramids - of solid cash. You could make almost six Sears Towers.

- $28,000 for every man, woman and child in America.

I considered writing a rant about the sacking of our Treasury and tax dollars, but this anonymous quote says it all, succinctly:

"A democracy cannot exist as a permanent form of government. It can only exist until the voters discover that they can vote themselves largess from the public treasury. From that moment on, the majority always votes for the candidates promising the most benefits from the public treasury with the result that a democracy always collapses over loose fiscal policy followed by a dictatorship."

-Hugh Farnham