Government Bailout Q & A: The Lighter Side

The NY Times, the toilet paper of record, has a government bailout Q&A. Here are some excerpts:

Q: Will Chrysler and GM be owned by the US Government now?

A: Of course not. Barack Obama owns them, and as all enlightened people know, he transcends life itself, standing astride history and above all nations. Like the song says, "He's got the whole world in his hands." See? It's all OK, so relax, and leave the driving to Barack.

Q: Since the auto industry is technically part of the government now, can they stop paying taxes like the other Obama cabinet members?

A: That's an unfair question. Not all Obama staffers are tax cheats. And these things sometimes happen in the hurly burly world of big government. 31 year olds with no experience end up running auto industries, people who can't fill out tax forms end up running the IRS... Hey, these are crazy times!

Q: Is the Federal Government qualified to be meddling in the car industry?

A: I guess you're not listening. Referring back to my last answer, inexperience is no obstacle! Look, city and county governments all over this land have been making busy citizens wait in line for hours and days for drivers licenses and car tags. It time to take that to the next level: National government complicating the entire vehicular experience.

Q: Will all these new czars wear those cool-looking WW I-era helmets with the spike on top?

A: You're confused. Kaisers wore those, not czars.

Q: Oh! Right you are. Will Obama's czars wear big furry hats and grow bushy Stalin-esque moustaches? Janet Napolitano would look bad-aaaaaas!

...

NYT - Bailout Primer

National Schizophrenia: A Chinese Plot?

In a fit of collective insanity, or some type of delusional hysteria, this nation (self-identified liberal: 21%, Conservative: 35-40%) elected the most liberal president ever.

He swore he'd close Gitmo. Everybody cheered and voted for him. Now, the nation is 2-1 against closing the facility.

60% of Americans believe the federal government has too much power and spends too much, yet GM President and all time big-spender Barack Obama remains wildly popular.

This is schizophrenia on a national level. Maybe the Chinese really are poisoning us with their crappy products, driving us slowly insane. Some think that's what happened to the Roman Empire.

Who says it can't happen here...

USA Today
San Diego Source
Washington Examiner

Senate Demotes Captains of Industry

The Captains of Industry Have Been Demoted.

General Motors has been busted all the way down to a buck private, conscripted into serving the corporatist state. Swarms of bureaucrats now infest every corner of American industry, and 535 shareholders will make GM and Chrysler rue the day they made their Faustian bargain.

Senators Blast Automakers
Empowered by the government's emerging ownership role, members of a Senate committee yesterday excoriated General Motors and Chrysler for their decisions last month to close more than 2,000 dealers.

Because the federal government is slated to own most of General Motors and 8 percent of Chrysler, some of the senators said they have a responsibility, as major shareholders do, to review company decisions.(Source: Washington Post)

Good luck trying to break those shackles, you corporate weasels! You brought this on yourselves: First by your irresponsible behavior, and then by your shameless groveling before the government. Obama owns you now; get on your knees where you belong, and recall the words of a great man:

When you get in bed with the government, don't be surprised if you get more than a good night's sleep.
-- Ronald Reagan

WaPo - Senators & the Car Companies
http://businessandmedia.org/articles/2009/20090520141935.aspx

GM...Government Motors

Nationalization: alteration or assumption of control or ownership of private property by the state.

Tom Raum of the Associated Press called it "a defining moment of American capitalism"... capitalism Tom? I think you were napping in that poli-sci class.... it's the defining moment of American socialism!

Obama called it a "viable, achievable plan that will give this iconic American company a chance to rise again" what? Like Leyland Motors?

Meanwhile, as part of it's turnaround program GM released it's new line of GAZ automobiles with the models Zvezda "Star" (red I presume), Volga...er I mean Potomac, and announced that its new Chaika limousine would be put into presidential service.

Abolishing it's employee and family discount programs, the new "party member" discount plan and six year waiting list is projected to be announced soon.

Now, if the Ford advertising folks have any sense at all they will abandon the "Built Ford Tough" campaign... as the only legitimate "American" automaker and replace it with:

BUILT FORD FREE


Cheers!

~Finntann~